Many of us have struggled with difficult family relationships. Actually, this is an important part of our spiritual plan. “The family is a hotbed for spiritual growth,” says the channeled guide Emmanuel in Emmanuel’s Book.“ It is impossible to avoid realization and growth in the family situation.”

When we incarnate, we choose certain souls to play the role of our parents, siblings, and other family members so that we may learn certain spiritual lessons. Most likely we have experienced lifetimes with them in other roles. For example, our mother might have been our child in another incarnation. Our parents are key players in our spiritual education because we are heavily influenced by their beliefs and behaviors. Sometimes we choose parents who are loving, and we grow up feeling nurtured and validated. But at other times we may choose parents who are incapable of loving and may even be abusive.

I used to wonder why anyone, including myself, would consciously choose a family environment that was unwelcoming. I couldn’t fathom why people would agree to be raised by parents who were so psychologically unhealthy that they would behave cruelly toward their children. After many years of inner work, I came upon a certain very powerful understanding. We choose to be born into difficult family environments to become more awakened to the nature of darkness and heal that energy within ourselves.

For some people, the life lesson is learned when they see this clearly and are able to let go of toxic parents without any guilt or regret. This is extremely challenging for most people. In our culture we are bombarded with the message that we must have a good relationship with our parents no matter what. There is an implication that something is wrong with us if we can’t make the relationship work. In fact, some people believe that they must sacrifice their lives for their parents as payment for having been brought into this world.

These disempowering beliefs come from misconceptions about the role of family in spiritual growth. Typically, our family members are people who agreed to serve as catalysts for our personal development, and they may not be part of our true spiritual family. Our true family consists of a group of loving souls who show up throughout our lives in both human and non-human form. They can be spirit guides, angels, friends, lovers, colleagues, coworkers, teachers, and even pets. They support our hopes and dreams, encourage us to love ourselves, and accept us for who we are. They don’t use manipulation to get their needs met, make unrealistic demands, or withhold love as punishment.

Sometimes it is necessary for us to divorce certain family members to move forward on our path. It is unhealthy to stay in relationships with those who aren’t willing to examine their toxic behavior. By shedding layers of negativity and embracing our true spiritual family, we break through our illusions, connect with our inner truth, and become one with our divine nature.

Back to Tips & Articles